I am participating in the
All participants are sharing stories about moments in their lives, writing
every day for the month of March 2021.
Thank you, Two Writing Teachers, for nurturing teacher-writers!
She was lurking at the end of the dimly lit hallway, but this time, thankfully, she did not see me; I dashed into the room, avoiding her. Yes! It's a good visit when I don't have to deal with her. Every time I visit, she's always there, right there, omnipresent, regal and detached, silently imposing. It's as if she thinks she is the most important one, keeping tabs on everyone else. I'm pretty sick of it really. I do my best to avoid her, so tired of our interactions, but I can't always escape.
I sneak a look at her. She looks the same as ever - rather plain, tall, thin, strong of spine, and - in my view - quite menacing. I feel badly writing this, I don't speak this way about many, but she is SO inflexible, truly - cold and ungiving. Through the years, my opinion of her has never changed; I've never once looked forward to seeing her. Point of fact, I have NEVER ONCE come to see her, yet she'll impose herself on me.
I've been told I'm pretty easygoing; I guess I'm not always so unflappable. That's okay, right? Everyone has their limits.
The visit's over and I almost skip out the door - I am so delighted not to have interacted with her. I'm literally smiling! This made my day!
Yikes. I'm realizing just how unhealthy this really is, for me. It can't be okay that she takes up so much space in my head every time I visit. It's as if I tune out everything else. I need to figure out how to be more welcoming with her, even if we only meet up now and again; I can't be so obsessed with avoiding her.
To be honest, we once got along just fine. I wasn't excited to see her, ever, but we tolerated one another. Many, many years ago. Something about the passage of time has hurt our relationship. I pretty much KNOW it's going to be a depressing interaction when I see her these days.
I think it's important for me to bend and stretch a little more. Go the extra mile. Yes, if someone is this DIFFICULT and yet ever present, unavoidable, a part of my world, it's important for me to try harder to get along. When I stop to think about it, I think she is trying to do the right thing, however inept and cold her approach. I'm sure she doesn't "LIKE" me, but she wants what's best for me. I'm sure of that. Technically, if I really think about it, she's just doing the job she was meant to do. However artlessly!
(I simply wouldn't be so direct and blunt.)
What if she were a student in my class? How would I find a way to connect with her, as prickly and uptight and strident as she seems? (Can't say that I've met many three year olds like her, but, let's pretend for a bit.) I have met others that are a little bit similar to her. Even at my very own house there is a "know-it-all," getting right up in my face in that same exhausting way, and often on the worst days. I avoid her a bit, too, to be honest.
She wants what's best for me. Am I not doing what's best for me? Well, hmm, she's got me thinking now.
How might I be better to myself and, thus, in a better disposition to see her, on my next visit? I don't know if we'll ever truly appreciate one another, but I can certainly challenge myself to be more accepting of her.
I must stop avoiding her,
the physician's balance beam scale.
Though it really made my day not to see her at my doctor's appointment this morning.
"Just believe in yourself. Even if you don't, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will."
- Venus Williams