Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Not Built Like That


This is Day 5 of the May "Open Write" on Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA.  
Today,  Kimberly Johnson references the book by Marlo Thomas, The Right Words at the Right Time and suggests we think about when someone's words have inspired us. I immediately remembered something my father shared with me, when I was 12 years old.



Not Built Like That

Dad heard my muffled cries
in the middle of the night, and
squeezed in next to me,
on the bottom bunk,
to hear what was wrong.
He responded with conviction and comfort,
“Oh, hon, that will never happen to you,
you aren’t built like that.”
I knew instantly, he was right.

This one miserable month,
when I was twelve years old,
I witnessed both
my mother and her mother
break with reality.
Hallucinations,
delusions,
mania,
full-on psychotic madness,
followed by
911,
ambulance,
hospitalization,
sedation.

By day, I was strong.
In the middle of the night,  
as the frightening images replayed,
I crumbled.
I knew,
I was next.
Grandmother,
mother,
daughter.
Only daughter, me.
Yes, I was next.
I knew.

I had solved an enormous,
terrifying puzzle
in the middle of the night, and
Dad convinced me 
my solution was wrong.
The dots did not connect.

Consoled, I went back to sleep, and
this sweet reassurance lasted
years and years,
until I was a parent myself, and
I realized,
with both understanding and appreciation,
Dad couldn’t possibly have known
I wasn't built like that.

Right words, right time.

9 comments:

  1. glenda funk, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen,
    Your fathers words are both salve and saving grace. He gave you words to live by when he said,

    Oh, hon, that will never happen to you,
    you aren’t built like that.

    I love your poem so much and am thinking about all I’ve learned about and from you in poetry. Beautiful. Thank you.
    —Glenda

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  2. Denise Krebs, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Ah, Maureen, what a wise father. Those were the right words at the right time. Wow. I’m so glad that he said them. Beautiful poem to express such a powerful moment. You have painted a wonderful picture with your words. Even in his own pain, your father was a rock for you.

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  3. Debbie Greco, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen, your poem is a powerful reminder that we never know the impact our words may have. Your poem took me into the terror of your young-self at the possibilities you saw for your future and I felt the comfort and strength breathed into that child by the right words at the right time. Thank you for sharing.

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  4. gayle sands, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen—your poem gave me chills. How often do we reassure someone with what we can only hope is true? Your father gave you exactly the right words at the right time. I wonder what would have happened to you had he not chosen those words? He gave you truth to hang on to.

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  5. kimjohnson66, who offered this prompt, on Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen, how sweet and sensitive that your dad squeezed in to hear what was wrong and give comfort to you – – and all the while worrying about your mother as well. He was in touch with the women in his world and bringing reassurance of his love to you. Those are some of the best words that we as women can hear when we are examining situations and develop fear. “You aren’t built like that.” What a blessing of words!

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  6. Tammi, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen — this moment is so intense. You have brought me into this moment and I empathize with adolescent you.
    Your words about solving the puzzle and your father convincing you the dots didn’t connect was beautiful.
    I’m glad your father had the right words for you.

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  7. Susan Ahlbrand, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen . . .
    Holy cow, this is incredible. Your dad’s words were precisely the right words at the right time. He may not have known, but he was willing it to be true with his wise words.

    The detail is so powerful. It pulls so many emotions from me. I’m fretting right now about the times I’ve been in a crucial situation with one of our kids . . . did I say something wise?

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  8. Susie Morice, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen — What a powerful gift your dad gave you, breaking the cycle that was weighing in your mind. He knew that fear. Wow! What a precious moment he gave you. The image of his pulling into the bottom bunk with you is so dear. I wish I had a moment like that with my dad. You were a lucky 12 year old… and a lucky woman today. And using “right words, right time” at the end was perfect! Thank you, Susie

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  9. Laura, from Sarah Donovan's Ethical ELA website:
    Maureen, this is incredibly moving and uplifting. I especially connected to these lines: “with both understanding and appreciation,/Dad couldn’t possibly have known/I wasn’t built like that.” As English teachers, of course, we know the power of words (even if only hope or faith holds those words up), but it’s always a good reminder! Thanks for sharing.

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