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I am participating in the
Slice of Life.
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day,
on Tuesdays.
Slice of Life.
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day,
on Tuesdays.
The day dawned dark. Although, I actually woke up after dawn. Is this why I feel so dark? I overslept? Sleeping into mid-morning? Not a problem, really, now that I am retired, but it feels wrong, somehow. Imagine...teachers are well into their school days, but I am just now crawling out of bed.
What is my negativity about? Where is it coming from?
How do you handle your blues?
Are you lucky enough not to have them?
Oh my, this world is hard right now.
I actually have a little list of "to do's" or "at least, try" to jumpstart me from a depressed feeling into a more productive, happy one. Such as:
- go for a walk, dig in the dirt, just get outdoors
- think about what you are grateful for; write down ten things that make you smile
- just write for a bit, write into what you are feeling
- do a small, perhaps boring, but necessary task: clear out a drawer, wash the dishes in the sink
- repeat a prayer
I even have a small collection of things to read that are inspirational and uplifting.
This time, I didn't fight the feeling. I didn't try to do any of those things. I actually sat in total silence with my journal opened across my knees and listened to what came up. I didn't write anything down.
Honestly, I just wallowed.
"Sat with the ugly."
Didn't try to fix it.
Didn't try to squelch it.
Just let it flow.
For once, I did not try to force myself into a state of cheer, but dared to experience the low. I let me be me.
Then I had some potato chips.
It's a start.
The sad part is that all we're trying to do is not feel that underlying uneasiness. The sadder part is that we proceed in such a way that the uneasiness only gets worse. The message here is that the only way to ease our pain is to experience it fully. Learn to stay. Learn to stay with the uneasiness, learn to stay with the tightening, learn to stay with the itch...- Pema Chodron
You are grieving and need to grieve. Lord knows this year offers much about which to grieve. It’s okay to sleep in. I do it all the time and rarely go to sleep before 1:00 a.m. It happens. I was a melancholy child, so this notion we should be happy 24/7 doesn’t sit well w/ me. I honestly think it’s unnatural and dangerous. Sometimes sadness produces art and beauty. Euphoria is overrated.
ReplyDeleteGlenda, I too was a melancholy child. Some of the most fascinating, creative, inspired and inspiring kiddos, and the adults they become, are.(Side note: unfortunate that much of the western public school system, at the time I was a young'n, didn't quite know what to make of us.) Laure
DeleteAs a culture, I think we push people too much to avoid "feeling the underlying uneasiness." We're supposed to "cheer up", "look for a silver lining", etc. I think it's probably very healthy sometimes to sit with your sadness rather than fight to overcome it. Thanks for sharing your reflections on this.
ReplyDeleteHi Maureen. May I grab my own bag of chips (Kettle brand unsalted ... I know. I know. But my kidneys and salt don't get along. Sigh) and just hang with you? I'll wear a mask. Thank you for saying ouch when you needed to and in the way you did.
ReplyDeleteYou are allowed to feel all the feelings. Have you read Rumi's "The Guest House?" This poem is a good reminder for us to accept our feelings. If at any point the sadness stays too long, feel strong to ask for help when needed. I hope that most days have light and color to cheer you up.
ReplyDelete