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I am participating in the
Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOL19)
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day,
every day for the month of March 2019.
Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOL19)
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day,
every day for the month of March 2019.
A big thank you to Two Writing Teachers for providing this unique opportunity
for teacher-writers to share and reflect.
for teacher-writers to share and reflect.
I woke up deep in thought about my Mom, with a profound sense that she was near. This poem practically wrote itself, as I reflected about her and listened to my thoughts.
So, I Love
Always, always, always,
love your mother.
So, I love.
I loved her instinctively,
without much return.
She was my carrot,
dangling on a string,
drawing me, contorting me, making me,
always distant.
So, I love.
Mother and daughter,
everyone insists on the bond.
Especially, one daughter in a pack of boys.
It was years before I understood
the cold and the scold.
I know now,
she would have loved me deeply,
if not for being mentally ill.
So, I love.
Mother and daughter,
there we were,
a snapshot of togetherness,
yet, not so.
So, I love.
Sharing the news of her death has been
a re-learning
about mother's love.
One friend holds me, embraces me, says
"This will shake you to your core."
Another -
"Oh, I feel such a hole still."
A third, simply grasps and squeezes both my hands,
eyes filled with tears,
as she remembers the enormous pain of her own mother's death.
So, I love.
I learn a lot about people's childhoods,
when I convey this news.
I see what could have been.
This knowledge
is a new raw,
a sudden exposure,
a blister of insight,
painful insight.
So, I love.
Always, always, always,
love your mother.
What if she isn't able to give love back?
I know now,
she loved me deeply.
So, I love.
Maureen- this is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful poem. It sounds like you have really come to terms with your mom's ability to love you as best as she could. That's always really hard, I think. Wishing you peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes, I think I have made peace with my Mom, our relationship. I hope so...it is hard.
DeleteWhat a beautiful poem. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize love when others are struggling to express it. My dad was an alcoholic and I never understood how he loved me the best he could until after he passed and my good friend, a priest, reminded me that alcoholism is a disease not a choice. I wish you peaceful days ahead.
ReplyDeleteIt has helped me tremendously to think of Mom as ill - not purposely hurting any of us, simply entrenched in mental illness. Beautiful insight from your priest friend! Peace to you, as well.
DeleteSo, I love. I hope the words that almost seemed to write themselves bring comfort. The poem is beautiful. We each have(had) unique relationships with our mothers, yet “everyone insists” on a certain narrative. We can only find love in the story that is our truth.
ReplyDeleteOh how I love that last line "We can only find love in the story that is our truth." Thank you!
DeleteWonderful piece, I lost my mom this past year too and while it was sudden and not connected to her depression, I feel like in many ways I lost her long before that. It's so important that you are processing her loss through writing and you are right she is probably always around.
ReplyDeleteI, too, felt I lost my Mom long before...and have been so surprised, really, at how much mental space she has taken up since her actual death this past October. Writing is helping me process!
Delete