SOL19 Slice #26 So, I love

I am participating in the
 Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOL19)
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day, 
every day for the month of March 2019.

A big thank you to Two Writing Teachers for providing this unique opportunity
for teacher-writers to share and reflect.

I woke up deep in thought about my Mom, with a profound sense that she was near. This poem practically wrote itself, as I reflected about her and listened to my thoughts.

So, I Love

Always, always, always,

love your mother.

So, I love.

I loved her instinctively, 

without much return.

She was my carrot, 

dangling on a string,

drawing me, contorting me, making me,

always distant.

So, I love.

Mother and daughter,

everyone insists on the bond. 

Especially, one daughter in a pack of boys.

It was years before I understood

the cold and the scold.

I know now,

she would have loved me deeply, 

if not for being mentally ill.

So, I love.

Mother and daughter,

there we were, 

a snapshot of togetherness,

yet, not so.

So, I love.

Sharing the news of her death has been

a re-learning

about mother's love.

One friend holds me, embraces me, says

"This will shake you to your core."

Another -

"Oh, I feel such a hole still."

A third, simply grasps and squeezes both my hands, 

eyes filled with tears, 

as she remembers the enormous pain of her own mother's death.

So, I love.

I learn a lot about people's childhoods,

when I convey this news.

I see what could have been.

This knowledge 

is a new raw,

a sudden exposure,

a blister of insight,

painful insight.

So, I love.

Always, always, always,

love your mother.

What if she isn't able to give love back?

I know now,

she loved me deeply. 

So, I love.